In my heart

Move away....

Take care my dear friend and lovely supporter..

No idea

Not really have any idea..
to update my blog...
But i know my sweet one sure..
waiting my post...
thanks sis~


Just.. feel down and D again..
But i know..around me..
maybe have someone who support me..
but ecually their hurt was painter than me..
I can't always said that I'm down..
I have them..
they hurt but they keep supporting me..
So...as a person who protect by them..
I think..i must...
be more tough and brave than them...
to by their side support them...

Just now..
with Chun Hoe gor gor..
Noted something...is truly....
Know that..I'm the lucky one if compare with he..
But he still can stand up bravely..or even give me support..
How touched is it...
"妹妹怎样啊..don think too much la mui mui ^^...
有些事情..我们真的改变不了的..不管我们怎样去努力..都没有奇迹的.."
Chen Hoe gor have more and more memory with His one...
They have many many sweet memory maybe as go genting..
go beach look at the star...and..that day....
every places every action from Gor's she to Chun How gor...
is bring more hurt for Gor..really...but now..for Gor..
everything is gone...But he still add oil-ing..
He told me too...
"u shud be happy that....你和他没有那么多的回忆.."
"我不是想让你伤心..只是想告诉你..其实你真的很幸运了.."
"努力站起来...虽然你现在觉得这个才是最好的...因为你还没有遇到更好的.."

I'm sorry about that...
cause of...carry out ur sad memory suddenly...
But..u still can face it bravely and tough...
I'm really such a LOSER...
why can just fall down easily...
why always tears for some things...
but not helping people who around me..
to make them smile...
Sorry..I can't smile from my heart truly too..
But..I'll try my best...really...
I dun wan to be a weak person...
I dun wan let HE think that...
I'm just who know how to tears when without he..
I must life to myself...he told me before..

Sweet sister too..
always on cal with me..
and..support me..
teach me many thing..
ask me to cheer...
dun think too much...
and a good conclusion she gave me..
thx...really...thanks..

Something..
I'm sure i will add oil..
but sure have sometimes down also..
forgive me please...

I dun understand..
why..ur one word..can make me down..
make me sad or even make me feel like...
I'm LOSER...
keep lose in front of u...
I tried before what i said..
use coldness to overcome my pain..
i think i done it half...but..
It seems like...Just...
truly very evil for u even me...
Is hurt.....I done it..
but hurt most in myself too..

Sorry..
I'm too sensitive..
I'm too childish...
I'm too selfish..
I'm too weak...
I'm too care/focus in A PERSON..
Maybe..is should change my...
useless attitude..and keep every 'star'..
in my eye...dun let it tears out EASILY agin..
already...3rd/4th time in this year...
tears for the same reason same things...
Almost...4 month i think..
the problem..keep increase and serious...
In this 4 month...
I was just as a body walking without my heart...
Just a cold blood person...Just a useless person...
A friend also...
said something else about me in front of other...
also..hurt me deeply*frdship
I hate my attitude TOO CARE A FRIEND...
TOO PROTECT A FRIEND...
I'll change guys..I will...
next time no more this kind of thing happen again..

Just..

Heavy rain today...
Same as in my heart..
Unknown reason...Just scary and scary..
Make me moody again..

Fine..
Today..
Is not a GOOD DAY for me..
I afraid to school..With the truly meaning is..
I unlike this school..some people..
some places..some moment...
I hope..I can leave here...
I know no one need me..
Nothing gonna change if there have me or din..

Out distance from
normal > close > far > normal > close > far far away....
Don't know when begin..
Argue is normal for us i think..
Maybe cause of her.....and many things..
Also because of a friend...

Our problem begin..
cause of her...cause of mine....cause of Ur's...
But now..i think is because of a friend...

Between he and me...
You always choose he than me..
I know..maybe u saw this..
u'll said that is I ask u to go beside he..
But why.....always..
I'm the alone and at the behind one..
because of a friend...

I'll less talk to u..
cause..u have he...
and i know he unlike me...
so..our distance more far away...
because of a friend...

The person...
u will first sent sms..
and first told the news..
is HE...I always the following...
why?..
because of a friend...

Always...
the friend that can make..
u smile or action without any thinking...
That always with u and also live near to u...
Is a friend...

No much to said...
I know the friend will view my blog..
and sure he reading by angryness...
I have nothing comment about it..
this is my unlucky life..what can i do?..
Just learn to act as normal...
I know the friend will think in his mind..
or scolding when reading my post...
said that I post this for make people focus on me..
..or even more evil he can said...
Or..he will use a simply name...
put at my chat box...and said many things..
or even scold me...I know that he is..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ms LKW:
I don't know who is the person that tell u..
the 'form5' at ur blog is me...I don't even view ur blog..
Until now....I just view once when u just open.....
and... so just find out who is it...
I know who done it....
But..as the person is my passed/now frd...
So...i dun think to measure or even said anything about that
person who 'view' at ur blog...
God will know at last who false and who true..
I won't said more about that...
If u still think is me...just continue thinking...
U said before..u know me more than other...
But..if a tiny thing between u and the person who unlike u..
also..u will think that I done this LAME ACTION to u...
I have nothing to said..
BECAUSE, what had said by u before..is just a LIE..
u DUN EVEN know about my attitude....
I'm not the person..I won't feel anything about it..
But just one thing i can tell u..
"YOU'RE CRASHING FRDSHIP BTW U N ME BY UR OWN HAND"
And...It WON'T be as good as last time...
Is just as a memory for our frdship...
continue thinking and tell other person that..
JESMAY SCOLD ME AT BLOG.....
see at last...who will get the punishment..
------------------------------------------------------------------------

People said..
You...suddenly action abnormal..
Is just...to hold on a heart that like u deeply before..
And make the heart continue and continue liking u.....
Today...heard something from u...
and...it keep..repeat repeat in my mind...
' Maybe...I'll have a X later also no one know....'
Can truly prove that...you already have Ur new target...
so...why still wan to hold on a heart that hurt deeply by u before..
and let it continue to always by Ur side..waiting u look at it...
and pushed far away by u when u don't even need it...

U have a target...
Can also prove by...ur message..
Dun hope to said..I don't wan argue after
u/someone of u saw my post now...
cause of..a things that u said as 'small things'...
I agree I'm sensitive...I had been said this word
when the first time i type blog...

Something i think serious...
is just as tiny as a ant in ur eye...
But..something i think is normal...
u'll take it and become our argue topic...
No one false...Is maybe we're not the right 'key'..

YOUR FRIEND..
is going to birthday party...
yea...happy for all of u....
But will u know......
what is the feeling when...
- as a rubbish and throw by someone...
- when everyone one u like them...but they laugh happily without u..
- everyone planning and chatting about that...and u're just be a listener..

~--WHY--~
Maybe I'm not part of them..*for sure I'm not
But why...everyone....is planning...or chatting about that..
And I...just the one who looking their plan happily without me...
The feeling is.....................
sorry for saying about this...
in the blog world...
ONLY
Is the true me..
Blog is my friend...
Blog is about myself..
Blog is about my emotion..
Blog is saving every moment that i had walked by..

'慢慢的把心里的他当回朋友吧...........
我知道这东西很不简单...........不过你也要尝试..........放下他.......'
'就用时间吧...........只要时间到了...........你自然就可以了...........'
'不用想将多的啦.....顺其自然....'
From Nicholas...Thanks...I know...
There are still my other lovely friend..always by my side...
Thanks a lot...But..can i do it?..
He keep ask me to try..I'm trying..

SeongHooi..
sorry for just now..
when u find me to chat..
and..I'm in bad mood..
i try..really try..
next time..won't like this..
I will make u smile~

HynN
'try to stop think that u're moody cause of he...
maybe u'll be more happier....'
Thanks...=*/

Just 'IKUT TAKDIR'....

What happening ecually..

Confused Confused
Confused
Confused Confused
COnfuse

Really Confused me..

Why..Why..Why...
Suddenly..suddenly and suddenly..
On the last time but one month before..
My phone was always on silent..
I wan keep hoping that time..someone else..
find me...But..it doesn't...
Than..
After one month..
The same time...Is....
Different...Maybe should said..
My 'luck' coming...
But is totally suddenly...
until...i feel scare...and unbelievable..
Sorry if someone think that i might think too much..
But,i think is normal for a person who had a same situation as me..
TOO SUDDENLY...
I'm in scare..yes i do.. cause i scare..
when i open my eye...all will become normal as last time again..
I still alone me...The dream will like a bubble...
Just 'pop' and disappear...

I try to find out or even ask clearly..
But...seems like..no one answer me the question that i ask..

When the time i need u..
You're far away from me...
When the time we together...
We always in the wrong moment..

unlike your style when said bye bye to me..
unlike your silent receptor come out at the wrong moment..
unlike your leg that like to run away from me and the question we are facing..

Look at now..every time..
I need u....you are just away...
Why....
The scariness..who will understand..
I was just as a person who waiting the rainbow..
It come out suddenly..But I'll dunno when...
the rainbow will disappear suddenly too..
for sure I don't hope this happen on me...
But...if truly happen...
What can i do?

People are true..
they said..
'Once u have a hurt before...
For the next time...you'll not trust it..
easily as last time u done...'
Sorry..cause..I have that hurt...
Sure..I'll scare about that...
Obviously..I was a tiny person in the world..
I know..maybe I'm lucky from other..
But the scariness still have...


Now..
00.07am..shown at my phone
A tiny person..
still sitting on the chair typing..
And..mind keep think that..
'Should I go for school tomorrow?..'
But sure no one can answer me now...
They are sleeping i think...all smkpm's student...
cause they're prepare for tomorrow face their friend happily..
But...still a tiny person..
are thinking about this..
at first hope to ask someone...
but something happen...so..
what in my mind / what i hope to said..
have been removed...

A Tiny Jesmay Still thinking about that...
How?..
No one will answer it..

是怎样..nothing gonna change my love for u-ing.....

What's the meaning?....
Confused me....
I just started to let go..
But..
Why..
Really confused me...
Should i DEAL for this time AGAIN?..
If lose..
I become more moody & emo than last time..
If win..
Next time...I think i can make many people smile again..

SHOULD I DEAL????!
Like u....yes i do..
Hope with u...yes i do..but is impossible for u i know..
* maybe for u seems like i just saying..
But i swear..this..is the 1st time..i dare...face it..
and answer it truly... BUT..i scare...really scare...

View SH blog just now..
Dun sad please...If not....
Maybe u're going to change my mood again..
Please...find a rainbow for u 1st thn me...
I think that..ur prblem..
was more serious than me...
U also not yet cry..Why should i tears seriously..
I must be like u..tough...*reminded me someone..he told me b4 too
Cheer...
I...wish...tonight...u'll accompany me until i wish..
I dun hope..u don't let me alone again~
One more msg or nudge...I'll always at there..just..dunno how to said with u
NOTHING GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR U..
ecp u wan to quit from here...

Like....?

*..I dunno why this MV will larger than my blog space..
Nvm jst let it be..i like it so much...
so just..let it larger..let U know the meaning clearly..
and also...everyone can see my idol face and His style
clearly...understand what did i LIKE he so much...
I like this song..
This MV..This single..
And more..
I LIKE IT..
Is touched..
After ur msg...I haven sleep...
I think u know about that..
And..I keep find ALL fang da tong song's MV..
Is nice and touched..very close to us...
I truly like His song...

But..What..
the meaning..of..
Urs 'like' at that time?..

Thanks for facing bravely this time..
But..not clearly..
Or maybe my mind stupid..
Can't get what did u mean..
Wish everything will be all right..
And as our thinking..
If u're same mind thinking with me..

无缘即是无言

To U
Sorry..
This is just what can i said..
Not purposely..But..
Dunno how to face it....
I hope u treat me evilly..
But..it is pain..
I dunno how long that i can suffer like this..

Just now..do homework..
(i hope get good result for make ppl happy)
Listen many many song..
Make me feel that.....
every word they singing..
was..seems like...
caring more memory..
*cnt type chinese..so use english..sry....
> 你的承诺
" The direction that...u and me are going..is just opposide.."
>不许哭
" The end of us was un-know...think back that time u protect me..
when look at the sky..just think wan to cry...I only know..
What had I done..was so focus....I just know how to cry.....
I tell myself not cry....U let go of me..Not a lose....
But at least...we get other admire....we have the memory......."
>Bu Hui Ai
" U dunno to treat my love..I understand...
That day u enter my world.. Only done a prefect me......."
>明天以后
" Sing 'no ending'...really become no ending...
U saying sorry to me.... Why u do like this....
What had i lost really hard to get back....
I just hope give me a chance to dream......
But at last..can't sing together also...
My dear..I'm afraid the time reach it and no chance together again.....
U must let go of me....cause this is the ending...
But i afraid i can't do it......."
>Li Xiang Qin Ren by Rainie
" I really hope...the 100% marks dreams girl in ur heart...
how did she look like..."
>I'll be right there waiting for u
" Where ever u go..What ever u do..
I'll be right here waiting for u....."
>Everything by LeeHom
"Cause u're my everything....just this one i do....."
>That's why u go away
"Baby would u tell me why..there was sadness in ur eye...
I dun wan to said goodbye to u...Love is one big ilusion...
I should try to forget...But there was something leave in my hand..
U're the one who set it up...Now ur the one to make it stop..
I'm dun like the feeling lost..like now.....
But u wan me to forget....every little thing u said....
But there was something leave in my hand...
I won't forget...the way....u X-ing...the feeling so strong...
Were lasting for so long...but I'm not the 'she' ur heart...
Is missing...that's why u go....away I know....."
>Lian Re Wei Man by S.H.E
(maybe not suitable...but..is true what i hope to said)
>We'll be together by Ashley
(Is not suitable..that was IMPOSSIBLE)
> ALMOST FANG DA TONG NEW ENGLISH ALBUM
was also...touched...and...some about u n me....
nothing gonna change my love to u...But u do...


And...
I stop the music...
Really...bring many many the memory..
Sweet..Pain...Suffer..Laugh....
Just sleep follow by that even i dun tired...
Dream also scary....cause I'm just alone...
* every word of the song..type by me..maybe the spelling wrong..
sorry about that..But..that was truly from my mind...
* Did u know,i have a problem with 'our frd'?..something useless happen..
Who...will u stand between both of us?....

放手是成全

三个人的世界里,
必须要有人退出与受伤..
我不会怪任何人..
我不配..

我知道..你还是一样....
同样的你..同样的想法...
还是那么的想她...
这....是一个没结局的故事


Dun wish to said..
When..I am typing..
receive sweet sister call..
FINALLY..
WAke...thanks..
sweet sister...Is true wad u said..

'when the time..he treat me good...
behind of me...he treat other as a SAME level good as
how he treat me too....'
(this kind of person,not walue)

'when he was alone...he will do
as good as he does..
but when he have a frd...
U're been forget....'
(this kind of people,no one can really trust on he)

'when he meet u....he like u a lot..
but ..when the time he meet other better thn u..
he gonna dissapear from ur mind..'
(this kind of person,cnt even get my trust)

many things too...
but one BIG conclusion from sister..
[ Sure one day..he WILL find his one..
That time.. u're totally a rubbish for he...
So...just let go of he...
It might be better........
THINK CLEARLY kayss~ ]
By sister.....
Yea..I'm thinking clearly...
I know my way~...muackkss..
thanks to she~
What she said..is totally true about he...
How geng are my this sweet sister^^

Now 0210am..
Lols....still on9-ing..
yesterday n today also same..
become night ghost..=P
need to thanks to few people too...
> Hyn
> Ah Yea
> L.M.S
thanks a lot...
On tonight..
still giving me support..
and accompany......talk more about~~~~~~~~
Hyn aso said tat she view my blog yesterday..
so try on9 at nite c weader meet me or not..
heheee..lols...
THANKS o...
hope u guys saw it..
Jesmay truly thanks to u guys~..
SH take care kay..
heheee..thanks..

I thnk not much to said..
Just feel thanks n begin happy.. NEW LIFE BEGIN here....
smile...
SH..rainbow add oil find together o~
heeheeeeee..

Nothing gonna change my love for u-方大同

Keep repeat repeat listen after got sent me last night..
and also watch & download 方大同 this MV..
Is sweet and touched..
How good if have a one like this..
BUT..is dream..
I'm waking up now...
Every dream sure must to wake up one day..
But why..this time?..

Rain..
today....
It just as quiet as it can..
Same as me....quietly..
without everyone know....

Receive Yen msg..
and...we have face the almost Same problem..
Called she at morning...Both* deeply..
On the way..We lose...
We must stand up...Continue with a new mind..
Yes we do...Yen..add oil..
We must prove out...

Here..to thanks to...
Last night..who had accompany and supported me..
> Chun Hoe Gor..
> Ah Yea
> Edwin
> M.S
> S.Y Gor
> S.H.
...* especially Chun Hoe gor..
He helped me most...Thanks for trusting me..
And teach me..support.me..and more about it..
sorry for still on9 with u at 3.45am..

Ah Yea too..
sorry for cool to u..
when u're trying to make me smile..
he asked me to cook even i dunno on9..
But i know..he just hope me to smile..
Scolded me deeply cause of..
Din eat medicine..din sleep early..din take care..
keep emo-ing...keep said everything bad about myself..
thanks..But..i hate medicine..
the taste is yuck..the smell is bad...
I dun hope to eat..cause of..
I dun think i need it...
I always forget my time to eat medicine..
Mum shouted me me seriously...
She said I seea doctor is a waste cause of..
I din take medicine also...and..I din eat anything..
Or choosing food...Dun drink water....
Dun listen to what she said....
Sorry mummy...
I unlike medicine..
and..I din have any taste to eat..

(here is my lovely song MV..downloaded..)

ENd..everything is end..bye BYE

Over

The last time..
I think..
Why..
Maybe all the problem..
Is just begin from myself...
I dunno why..
This is the 1st time..
I can't let go of..
People who I.......
my fault..
I know..
I had tell many time..
I wanna let go..
I can't post about someone anymore..
But..
I really failed this time guys..
Really...failed many many things..
I MUST WAKE UP now..At this moment..
Every time..I'm sad..
For nothing..why?...
Just now....something happen...
The true life give me a true answer...
I Can't lie myself anymore....
Or live in my Dream space anymore...
I dun wan..every time..
Post my sadness at my blog...
Maybe in ur heart..
u'll think I'm just posting out my emotion..and get other caring..
Is false...I'm not...
But..
U just think as the way u think..
hate my evilly please..
If not..I'll still dreaming..wake me up..
People said
U like a ppl..u're happy..
Ppl like u..u're lucky..
But..why i din feel so?..
Why...everytime...u must redo like that..
all the history about us...keep re-happen for non stop..

I dun understand..
Why can i become so weak..
I dunno..
When i become a useless...
I unlike..
When the moment we argue..
I disappointed..
When the time u turn ur face to her..
I hate..
I become the ONE who always follow at ur back..
waiting for ur turning head..and take a look at me...
But..u doesn't..

'you may not think that i care for you when you know down inside that i really do .... '
Posted by she..

Seriouly...Something..(hate myself change tittle cause of not dare to....)

Hey guys.. H1N1 here.....
MUST TAKE CARE OF URSELF..
School been close since tomorrow until next Tuesday..
I'm seriously sick now..
Talk through my mouth is hard to me..
Quiet pain and no voice=.='

Is true..Stop asking me many many many time and tot that
I'm lie to my frd...Is true...believe it..
Our school have few person suspect H1N1..
Scary for me...I have fever+selsema+batuk=abit sign of H1N1..
Gosh...keep serious-ing..Until mummy work back..
She said to me angrily..
'U MUST go to see a doctor now!!!!!'.. u know how serious.............'
SO scary....
will think like...
'If i really get H1N1..thn die... thn how was my family,my frd..and many many'
Feel sad and scary..need someone that time =(..But.....
My last time blood test report out..
I..REALLY have Thalassaemia...
One click on google...u can know more about it..
And..i saw that...'

Thalassemia | Thalassaemia

In medical terminology, thalassemia or thalassaemia is an inherited disease of the red blood cells and it is medically classified as hemoglobinopathy. For those who may not know, thalassemia is a medical disease whereby there is genetic defect in a human body and therefore resulted in a synthesis of an abnormal hemoglobin molecule. With the synthesis of an abnormal hemoglobin molecule, the blood cells will become vulnerable to mechanical injuries and therefore, die easily. Read more about Thalassaemia.

omg..
DIE EASILY...
I dun wan...I scare..
I'll less said about die to myself..seriously..
If u were me...U'll know my feeling...
The doctor scold me too..
Haix..luckily..
I din suspect have H1N1...
thanks to my mummy and my buddha..thx everything...
If not....I really dun dare to imagine myself at now..
Maybe think wanna kill myself(sorry guys..I agree that I'm a mind think negatively person)

Just back from there..
Gor's mum 'da bao' for me to eat...
I wan FISH PORRIDGE!!! someone cook for me?..
But i know is impossible..
brother and daddy keep away from me =(
Receive sweet sister call...and super lots of sms about sch close tomorrow
Haix...Sweet sweet sister...dun keep all sadness in ur heart..
I dunwan u to follow my pasted way...cheer..
I can heard from ur song...
Even that u're laughing or what...
But...truly in ur heart..was many many of hurt and very pain..
Until u..just can use smile to close it...
Dun follow my pasted way sister...
U're my sweet sweet sister...Support u always..

And.. chat with sister...
I...Heard something..
really kill my happy receptor...
I finally know a part of the reason that sweet sister sad for..
-our secret-
But...what u had said..
Was 'wake up' something..
that live in my heart...since April this year..
-post had been removed-
(maybe next time)
sorry..I still dun dar to face..myself true feel..
I am still waiting...
For the Clearest answer..
And...U'll know what ecually...
i wan to said..

Virus is dangerous..

Take Care my friend..
I'm sick now..
seriously...I'm worry about it..
Hope i'll be ok soon...


Maybe cause of..
I'm not soo sad as few week before..
And..suddenly have a mood..
To take pic..but..as my healthy..(I'm sick)
I think..i should post up my pic next time.....
SORRY again...
This is what i keep repeat and need to said it to SeongHooi..
Sorry..again...My tuition class...
I had smsed u...Jesmay always be there for u..


Something...
Dunno why.....
Just now..when the way going to tuition..
MyFM have bring us..
the new song of tank....
'Ru Guo Wo Bian Chen Hui Yi'..
Is........dunno how to said the feeling..
just.....heard that....
Tank said..

'No matter..what u had face it..
Or..u FALL DOWN....u MUST REMEMBER...
TO STAND UP again...cause..it sure have some thing..
make u stand up again...must add oil.....'

Feel like...
Omm...Is touched my heart..
Why like saying about me...
HAix...bring me little down feeling back...
But..i like that song...
Can someone else give me?...
Jesmay nothing,guys..
Jesmay just feel...suddenly..down..
cause of...someone....action or 'coolness'..
that given by the person...
Thanks for supporting my blog..

Wish get someone scold now

SORRY..
Seong Hooi..
I late on my computer..
Until now..
Only..i saw ur comments..
I angry that why i not on..
when the time u're hurt..
and need someone by ur side to help u..
Truly sorry about that..
Wish to get someone scold...
I can feel ur behurted heart feeling..
Haix...But..
U must cheer..
Sure u can stand up..
I'm sure...I trust u...
Know u..Only let me..
Re-trust that..the word of..
"PROMISE"...
Cause..before for me..
I'll think that..
"promise"
Is just a word...
A liar told to a person..
Now...I know the truly meaning..
Thanks for everything..
And ur promise that will show my rainbow..
I'm waiting...
Much thing to said..
But...Hard to post up..
One thing u need to remember..
[JESMAY ALWAYS BE THERE FOR SEONG HOOI]
U must cheer =)
*beside that stupid cookie is by me...hope u can 'taste' it the stupidness i have..
And change to be happy...If can...let u taste truly too..=P

Why 'U'..my dear emo always..come out

After post up blog just now..
Than begin do nothing by sit in front of computer..
See this view that blalblabla...
Huhh..hate myself..
think so much after view a thing..such as
'why he wan X she like this by playing game..
all was look so truly..'
'why he lie me...said play..still on-ing and listen-ing song..'
'why why why why why why many many comeout..
keep ask no one except myself..'
When i said something..
doesn't mean that surfacely..
There have something inside of what i said..
I said i hope u go beside her..
ecually......
Haixxxx.......
I'm a LOSER...
really...everyone get their one..
Me?...no even have one also...
Haixx..
dun hope to said more about it..
MrSH at Kedah can't on...
Need his support>.<
Haixx.....Just have a complicated mood..and feel..
Hate that i can't type in Chinese.......
When u saw my Chinese word b4..
Is copy 1 word-by-1 word paste it..
Is hard....

Now..I'm hearing..
his love song.. again..
'why' come out on my mind..
why she really a very special girl?'a girl like you impossible to find..'(in the song)
why i even have a ppl as how u like she..isn't I'm loser,ugly..yuck?
why u can 'fall for she'...
why u'll remember of she when listen to.......
why u can always said one thing do other..
why u wan to lie me..
why u treat me like that..
why...if u truly like she..Go..Go..Go..
Dun give other even little hope...
but why u din't do like that..
u can't even make a conclusion or dunno who is in ur heart..
why u have such of 'that kind' of attitude.....

It confused me..
Frd told me something..
again..i confuse..
my mind was always believe in he..
than get scold with Frd cause of he think i'm stupid who
keep and keep believing..this is why he keep scold me..
He tell me do not believe in he..
But my mind..sure will give many reason..such as..
"maybe he had something behind can't told us..so must believe he.."
"maybe for he..he think that he is right..but for us..he is wrong..so unfair for he"
Bite me hit me please people...
I truly STupid.....keep think those stUPid thing..
Nothing to said..just unwell in 'here'~
Save me please.....

=*)

Fuuyooh..
Last nite 1am+ sleep..
sms with someone=.='
Morning receive Joshua Morning call..
Still very blur~
Than quiet late only..
wait Joshua down of my house..
Go....play BASKET BALL lur~~
^.^ Dunno why..almost every time..
When I play basketball..
ALL no good things will gone..
Or should said...relax my mind..and focus in playing=)
I feel that I have a little bit boy attitude....Lols..
Hahaxx..Reach there..play with some other sch..
Form1 student..happy~..their family joined too..

Than after that..
Same as normal...
Eat breakfast at Food Court..
With Hong,Daniel and also Joshua..
Hahaxx..all the way keep chit chat chit chat NON-STOP..
We have talk many many topic..XD
About
Result-we all said' haixx..'(Lols...must add oil nar~)
Gossip-blablabla =X
Boy & Girl-...

Heheee....
Many many thing ..
Quiet happy with them^^
Thanks for care about me =*)

Receive mum call..
Hong accompany wait mummy..
Daniel & Joshua go The Store play..i wan too..hehe
Today only know that..
Hong is totally almost same person..
same taste same thinking..same love idol.and more..
He is Cute..hahaxx....We both love JJ and LeeHom..
Nxt time sure wanna listen to he sing my JJ song..
Cause heard Gor said Hong sound sing like my JJ...
Love Deep Deep^^
This is what call..
FRIEND SHIP LOVE^@^

Than...
follow mummy hair cut
I'm bluring and as sleep when the ppl cutting my hair..
Quiet fish and no face>.< Cause I'm really tired......
At last..i feel that this hair cut din change anythign also..
still same=.='..mummy said I'm wasting her money>.<
Tonight mummy hav BBQ at her bos house..
I dun think i wanna follow....boring cause all is mummy frd..
Should i go?..
Or i leave at home..but nothing to do..
blogging?..Msn?...Blabla...dunno what to do..





Mr SeongHooi at Kedah today..
Enjoy kayy..Be happy=)
Find rainbow for me if have...
Today..playing basketball when resting..
I'm finding too..
But feel that I'm quiet stupid..
Cause with a beautiful sun shine sure can't meet rainbow..
Nevermind...Add oil together
Be happy =)

I'll try to smile truly..and happily..

I think i can..
I have many supporter..
And...my lovely dear friend..
Thanks..

Today..
after school..
With He..and also Jolyn..
Eat lunch at McD..
Suddenly..
When waiting for our turn..
Jolyn asked me that...
Why..
My blog post..seems very sad..
My reader please see here...
*What i post out.. Is 100% my own feeling..
Blog is where can i unlock my feeling..
Blog is the place i said out loudly what am i thinking..
Blog is the place...let my friend know about my problem..
So..what i post..is true...
Even...
U guys saw my smile at school...
Is true..I'm smiling..
Cause...except from the one..
In front of other..
I'll try to smile happily..
I dun hope everyone seems me as..
I'm sad I'm emo..
I hope when I'm smiling..
My friend will happy too...
Just...when back home...
Or should said..
My sad or what feeling..
at blog..ONLY i will post out TRULY..
Cause..I dun wan show my pain in front of people..
That's why...
My reader sometimes ask me the same question..
THIS IS THE ANSWER...
What i post is true....
And..thanks for viewing my blog guys =*)

Today..
Maybe..Our frd was sick..
So..he back early...
Luckily..
The 'suasana' was not as what i imagine...
We still can talk as normal..Thanks god~
Quiet ok...just during the period..
Haix..i agree I'm abit sensitive..
So that..When u go out with our frd too..
Dunno why..dun wan leave alone at class too..
Cause My mind was begin think too much that
why u wan to walk out or maybe take a look......
so i just stop my stupid mind thinking by
going out to my favorite place..
Basketball fell...go there alone...
To skip my stupid mind thinking..
Some teacher saw me alone there but
luckily they din catch me or what..
So...
I just keep round and round the whole fell for dunno how many time..
Even that it was a hot day..sun shine brightly..
I dun care...just keep round and round...and..
mind like just finding something..
I hope to find back the things had i 'LOST'..
After dunno how many time i round..
I just slow down..and try to think..
and said to myself...
"Jesmay,Dun think so much....maybe is just get a walk..'
Keep ask my self dun too sensitive......
Dunno until when....really feel better...
Wind blow at me....feel very very well...
Just like the wind was tell me to be cheer...
So well and feel comfortable....Thanks for everything..
Back class...saw he helping me take the chair..
Thanks..I think u're getting mature....
But dun change become who i dunno o~
Thanks for accompany me...buy me a lolipop..
Thanks.........At that moment if take some special kind of picture..
Sure very well =)
Hope next time can...
If no wrong...long time we talk or being lame blabla..
As today....miss that feeling...
It come back abit...But..anyway..
Thankss~..
I feel quiet ok and happy..
I think u too...=)



Dunno who to said out my..
Thank you..to Mr SeongHooi...
What he had support me...help me..
Prove that...The rainbow..
Is truly Very Very touched....
I feel that I'm lucky who have a frd as he..
Support me by blog.....=*)
I wan u to be happy too...
Dun just keep hope other happy..
But..din think for yourself...
If wan..we must happy together o..
Not that..u make me happy...
than only u happy...
Friend must HAPPY TOGETHER =)
I like the 'rainbow'..
U had post at ur blog so much..
Not real one.. But..really nice=*)
I like it so much....Hope really can see the new one soon..
{The 'rainbow' at up there...nice..thanks//}

*p/s: sry guys...I have many thing to said and thanks..
So..my post sometimes will very long.....sorry and thanks if u read all finish..
Is touched =*)

你总是不坦白

♥我的回忆不是我的♥vincyˇ海鸣威-ING...........
Love so much that song..
Dunno why..
TOucheD me~
And....
Suddenly..
Yesterday that time..
Erm...Tears time feeling some back..
But...
I'm alright guys =*)
Just feel that..
'How can i tear like that..?'
unbelievable..
Cause...I'm a smily face girl..

Suddenly..
remember that..
Yesterday..I'm 'nap-ing' at my table..
(Is tearsing truly)
I saw..my own tears..
One by one fall and fall...
and..maybe cause of my skin was quiet white..
So..
Yen told me yesterday..
My face was very red..(she know i'm tearsing)




FIne...
Dun continue said..
I know..
My dear friend..
Dunwan me to think those sad things..
They wan my smile my teeth..*GGgggg~*
So...
Today...I'm ok...
Maybe some sad things..
'drop' follow by my tears yesterday..
So..is better than yesterday..
I wan to see Rainbow...
Tell me the direction to find =)

Thanks..
I think..Maybe..
I should do something about it...
U wake me up..
Ur word..maybe got..
'Maksud tersurat'...
I'll try to get it...Give me time patiently..
Maybe...There will come out another way...
For u and me..
A change from X to XX...
a new begin..
I dunno...That's was future thing..



To Mr SeongHooi..
Maybe...it have some change..
Maybe......
This is just the time raining...
Hardly big heavy rain...
Than...maybe..
after this...see the rainbow without let go of the pain..
People said..
" If really can't let go,why not just continue..and maybe can make self more happy"
U must add oil..
I'll too...we keep in touch..
cause..quiet complicated..and hard to said...=)
Find ur rainbow too by ur angle's wing..

Raining day bring a tearsing face..

Sorry..
I Failed again..
I really dun hope like this..
but..lost control again of myself..

Sometimes..
see something dun hope to watch it too much..
I hope that I'm blind..
Sometimes..
know somethings too much..
but keep it in the heart day by day...
It may cause death or creak in the heart..

Until one day..
The person...
who keep act blinding saw too many things...
It will cry...
The person...
who keeping something about the person emotion..
or sadness even some secret...
One day...
The person will totally lost control...

Maybe..
I'm saying about myself..
I'm the person who i said...
Had Lost Control..

Today..
I'm not really feel well..
cause of somewhere pain...
And..last nite mood...
was still stick with me..
I can't even breath..
But...think about something..
I think i may go to school...
I can't leave Yen alone..

Yen know my mood..
was bad...and know...
where were i hurt and the feeling of pain..
She was a nice friend for me..
Feel thanks and touched..
when she was helping me...
when she protecting me...
when the moment we sad together cause of..
the same name person...and..
what happen on she or me...
Each other will know other problem...
and try to help other..
Thanks...I like Yen,my dear friend..

She suddenly...
told me something...
She said...
'I never see a girl as strong and tough as u before...
How can u din ever tears in front of me..
and keep continue try you best to solve the problem..
u had face...U din even angry or what about the problem...
But..u more strong and more brave....U're really a great person...'

Dunno why..
Just feel like..
FINALLY...
got a person know..
why am i change or emo so seriously..
or even how pain and the time had i keep..
be strong no cry and continually step more in front of it..

She know my feel..
Maybe cause of..
we have the almost same reason..
and face the almost same name guy..
And...the problem that following by them..

THANKS..
I think..maybe she know how suffer are me..
and said those word..to let me...
unlock my tears..and let it go once seriously..
than..after this...she wan me to..
LET GO of all of that..

She accompany me...
At the same place as the 1st time..
I tears at sch...because of the same person..
and almost same reason..
Truly...have many memory and sense.
come out that time...She keep chat with me..
For slowly change my mind to think those things..
And when we walk through out of form5 student class..
A malay male teacher saw me..
and keep asking me why am i tearsing..
I Just keep silent and walk away...
sorry teacher...

She know..
that..i wan so much..
to see the colour of rainbow.....
She said...
If wan to see..
'U MUST LET GO..'
only...can see a most beautiful rainbow in the world..

My ugly tearsing face seem by many form5..
that was so ugly....I dun wan people to saw my sadness side..
I just wan them to be happy...

After school..
as normal...I'm waiting...
Yen said that...
why must me wait again...
she said...for what...
She keep pull me away form waiting...

But..
who know..
equally..I'm wan to let someone know..
Your friend was at there waiting for u..Mr.J..
If I waiting..he will follow me waiting for u..
So...Yen..
that's why..i can't stop waiting...
Cause i wan someone know..
No matter what happen...
Yous frd..Mr.J...will always by ur side..
You're Not Alone...
Dun think negatively...
No matter how shit u think about me...
I dun care...
The main point is..
U..still have ur best frd..Mr.J..
are always by ur side...
Hate me is true for u..
Just do it...
hate me evily...

Sorry..i failed again..

Just 15minute before..
I post up..
and said that..
I had promises my frd..
to be happy to find rainbow..
Yes,I Do..
sure i'm finding..
But..
I failed again for now..
sorry..I just feel..
again..
Tears like me..
It wan let go of me..
Always...like out from my eye..
Pain...truly pain..
What should i do.....
I know something..and..
if i keep trying to know more clearly..
If brings hurt...
But...loser me still will going on..
to the..'death way'..
than..only like now...
sad-ing at here....
Hard to let go...But I MUST..
I know i must..
Yes..i hope it happen..
But does it possible?..
The answer is in front of me..
Just i..dun wan to face it...
Cause of.....
Dun hope to lost again something else..
Not much to said..
I try to control myself now..
Does everything will be alright?..
Hope..

Thanks to SH...

To Jesmay

I Tried My Best To Find The Rainbow

Realy Hard To Find One

Haha

Try To Find You One Soon

But

My Heart Have Found The Rainbow

What About You

Promise Me De Wor

Let Go Of It

And Life Your Life Happily

Jesmay:
Thanks........
I already promise u..
I'll try my best..
Thanks for wishes and also supporting..
I copy this part from ur blog..
Hope u dun mind..
Just hope to said...
THANK YOU
Jesmay always support u..

1st change in blog

Just feel..

maybe..is the time..

to turn my blog other style

since i first started to write blog..

and...this is just the 1ST time i change it..

Dunno why..

just feel like..wanna change it..

But..maybe..

Was not really nice..

Tell me you guys opinion..

Thanks...

Few day din write blog..

Maybe someone waiting....just maybe..

Happened something..

But..

I not fully understand..

what..u want to tell me....

Hard to 'open' the secret of..every word u had said..

But..

I just can tell u...

I'm really TOUCHEd and.....thanks..

People who know us/around us..

I mean saw we or what...

They always hope something happen on us..

But..

Is impossible i know..

'Wo Bu Pei'

I'm Waiting..

I dunno who to said by face to face..

or should said...

I keep run or skip this problem...

U just be brave...

I think...i can...hope i can...

M**Dy find me again

I dun hope..
every time...will happen all of this..
Who..save me..no one..
I hate it..
Why..
At SOME moment..
Sure see something..
Something..i dun wish to saw it..
At SOME moment..
Sure happen/meet..
something...I dun hope too..






*we can't change every things..
that happen/happening...
even dun hope about that..
but..we can't control it..
the 'click' was in our luck..
but why...sure I'm the unlucky person..
Always I'm the loser..always me the one tears out..
why me?..why?..I dun understand...
where did i lose?
what was the reason?..
when i begin continuously like this?
Why every time..saw that thing..
sure feel like..sad or D something...

What can i said?..
Just keep it in heart?..
But..a heart can keep how many knife in it?..
If slightly touch..the knife will come out through the surface
than..begin blooding..blooding and blooding...
Why.....Many question in my life...
Many thing happen without reason...
Change suddenly without reason...
I moody-ing without reason..*or should said something complicated

"yes..i am"
(many ppl ask me something same..about something..)
This the only answer...I just said ONCE..
because after this...it might change..
I hope next time i answer when people asking..
my answer will be
'where got..i already have...'
*only people who asked me before know about what I'm saying

Watch
我的回忆不是我的 MV..
Truly..this song..
have many memory and touching my heart..
when I'm 1st liston this song...
It word full of meaning..or maybe should said..
Is suitable for me...
Those memory..really not mine..
I might know this truly...
One day...those memory..
I can sure...it will just bring hurt to me..
Every word they sang...almost..
reminded me many thing about it...


Te--ing again..why..
I really...easily get hurt....
Not cause of who...just..something bring hurt to me...
every time......
how can my form3 life become like this.....
My luck i think...
I'm a LOSER..


8 years to go...*
I still gonna wait for 8 year..
Only....will come out...help me...
Heard some one said..8 year....
In this 8year what will happen?..
Or ...i just wait for 8 year only..something dream come true..
I dun hope in this 8 year..I'm alone..i really dun wish it..
But for now...seems like...true..I will be alone...

Every place...
almost..remind me something..
when those memory happening in which place..
what we doing in those memory..
which happiness during memory happening..
EVERY WHERE..
I saw THE-PAST-MEMORY..
why..in those memory place...
Many sense touching my heart...
Remind me....LAST TIME...something happen at here..
What in the memory....suddenly lost...be far and far away from me..
And..i just keep looking at other...
what their action..is same...as MY-PAST-MEMORY...
For now...something causehestarted have distant with me...
Started away far and far from me...started my lonely and full of sadness road..
I know..i can't stop it..this is life..
But..

If really god wan to take of something on me...
Can that not be my those memory and u?...
It just make me die many many time on it...


In front of people..
I'm a popular person..
Back of people..
I'm just such a loser...


D D D..
what can i do..
i have too many D in my life..
how to throw it?

I said much..
something causehenothing to said..
I hurt more..
Not pain at out...but is inner part..
who know..no one....
receive msg from Yen..
poor..why..always...just girl get hurt...
Something happen on she n...
I really feel tear rollin in eye and very sad about life..
why..why life are so unhappy and unlucky FOR ME?
why treat me like that?

Why..
The main reason is what?
Why..
Always..I'm the loser..
Why..
For u...forever..I'm transparent..
Why..
I so shit so cause i lose?

I know..
not every thing i must win..
But...
why must every time..
I must be THE LOSER....
T----..
Dun wish to write more..
I'm just transparent..