Again

At 1st i'm just try to upload yesterday genting trip...
But..after my stupid internet connection can connect..
And..i viewed someone blog...and..saw somethings..
before i view someone blog...my sweet sister had tell me on call...
'XX's blog have........'
when i just heard n dun believe tat was real..
I BELIEVE that...* tell the true to me...
said * whole holiday at home..
But...after i view just now..
Is real..what my sweet sister had said..was just true..
I dunno...why * lie to me...
why come out another lier...
why dun straight tell me the true..
why everyone use 'lie' to face me...
I can't be trust??..
I can't be your true friend??..
I can't share your happiness with you??..
This 2 LIER make me die...
felt TOTALLY HURT


at first..hurted by 1st lier..
fine..i still have * who can still believe me..
tell the true to me...
But now..
the true is..
* also a LIER...
why??..
why everyone LOVE to lie to me??
why everyone LOVE to hurt me??
why can't just someone totally trust me??
U guys make me felt this world scary..
and everyone was having a mask..
especially FACING me...
U guys make me..
DUN TRUST anyone anymore..
I scare...meet a 3rd LIER..
I scare... the feeling of hurt..
I scare...after all the true come out..
it bring a knife..and crash my heart..
I'm week...dun keep attack me...
I'm loser...dun lie me n said that i'm the winner..
I'm ugly...dun said other way that i'm cute or nice...
I'm stupid...dun tell me that i as a genius..
I'm emo...dun keeep step on me...
I'm what u all think..
I have lost my smile..
I have lost my memory..
I didn't wan to lost ............................
I was hope someone scold me now..
through BADly...i need it now...
I'm dieing...very pain..
the 2nd time more badly the hurt....
I need to let go of my tears...
but..it dunwan to leave me alone...
I feel very very hurt now...
I swear...i dunwan truely trust a person 100%..
I pain..I fall...I hurt...but i still not cry...
to make u guys din worry about me..
to keeepp the secret that u guys had HURt me..
what for??..
Tears Tears...please go away...
Anything can let tears go out?..
but what i post at blog.was just seen by myself..
din have any response from anyone..
din have anyone tell me what to do..
I'm not as daphne/chuckei.......
what the post up...maybe in just few second..
PPL view give them ans..
or even some msg to ask them cheer up..
I'm just JESMAY..
JESMAY was nothing..
JESMAY was an ugly person..
JESMAY was just post for fun..not truely sad..
Guys...i'm hurt now..
No one know..or maybe no one believe..
Msg frd...maybe they was enjoying their happiness..
And..as their friend..sure i wan them always be happy...
So..i din tell them....let them just smile happily..
I just try to solve it myself...
Even now...maybe u saw i laugh smile everyday..
but...who know...in Jesmay heart...
was blooding........
I tried to cry out many time...
but..maybe i hurt since very long time..
and i still act nothing..
until now..i'm form3...
I dunno how to let my tears out..
I dunno as other girl...they happy than smile happily..
they sad just cried badly...
I hope like them..no need to keep what in my heart..
just let it go...as them..
but for now...
I really hurt and die MANY TIME..
until i even dunno how to cry...
So..everyone saw JESMAY..
was a happy person...a cute person...a happy fruit..
BUT...maybe what people said was just lie..
I'm NOT

maybe since now..
At JESMAY blog..will always..
saw sad post..hurt post..
or maybe no one will read...
maybe no one hope to know about
I dunno how to said out with english..
and my suck pc can't even type or see chinese..
and also my damn internet connection keeep unconnec..
So....my mood..my tears..my problem...
was the same...just Keep Myself...
no one wish to know...
no one hope to care...